Getting Tense About the Present

Does anyone else get irritated when television news reporters use the present tense to describe events that happened in the past? It makes me want to go all Elvis on the TV set.

This present-past tense is the preferred style used on those true-life murder "mystery" shows--the ones in which you know before the first commercial that the husband did it. As in, "It was a hot August night in 1986 in the small town of Dry Stream when Joe Beater decides to run off with his little girl's Sunday school teacher. But the day before he leaves, he goes into Big Daddy's Gun and Tackle shot and buys a 12-gauge shotgun and ammo. Two days later, his wife is found dead in what police call..."

Much to the chagrin of my family, I call out corrections, louder with each one. As in: "It was a hot August night in 1986 in the small town of Dry Stream when Joe Beater decides ("Decided") to run off with his little girl's Sunday school teacher. But the day before he leaves ("Left"), he goes ("Went, you idiot!") into Big Daddy's Gun and Tackle shot and buys ("BOUGHT!!!) a 12-gauge shotgun and ammo. Two days later, his wife is found dead ("WAS FOUND DEAD!!! OH MY GOD WHEN DID YOU DROP OUT OF SCHOOL?!!")

Needless to say, by the end of the show, I'm watching alone.

Unfortunately, this grammatical irritant is no longer confined to those magazine-y shows. On NBC News with Brian Williams tonight, aired two hours ago, one of the reports used the present tense to describe an event that happened over the weekend. Or perhaps I should have written, "On NBC News with Brian Williams tonight, aired two hours ago, one of the reporters uses the present tense to describe an event that happens over the weekend."

I guess I'll soon be watching the news alone, too.

Pleas Envoy

via Pub Rants

Proofread... and proofread again

At a writing conference this weekend, a woman handed me her business card and urged me to keep her in mind if I needed an editor for my next manuscript. I looked at her card. Her title read, "Writer and Edtior."

I thought the mistake inexcusable. And then I noticed that one of my handouts featured a glaring typo of its own.

I know it's difficult to proofread your own work, but does anyone out there have an idea on how to do a better job of it? Sugestions apreciatd.

Dang Them!

Been a while since I've done a grammar posting, but I'll let the New York Times do all the work.

A quick and often amusing lesson in the dangers of dangling.

Click here.

Love That Grammar Girl

Where was she when I was diagramming sentences (incorrectly), splitting infinitives, and dangling participles?

Worth visiting frequently.

http://grammar.quickanddirtytips.com/

When Less is More, Not Less, Incorrect

Until yesterday, I had nothing against NY Governor David Patterson. Seems like a hard-working guy. (No snide remarks, please, about his post-Spitzer revelations.) He's smart, articulate, and doesn't back down from a fight with... well just about the entire NY State Assembly.

But then, when answering questions yesterday on the thorny issue of education, he started saying things like, "We'll have less students in less schools..."

Your Honor, may I suggest that you meant to use the word, "fewer" instead of less? As in "fewer students" and "fewer schools."

I know I'm being picky; after all, the guv was speaking off-the-cuff. But I hear this misuse all the time and it sets my persnickety teeth on edge. If you happen to care about these sorts of things, here's a quick rule of thumb to follow when deciding between less or few:

• Use "fewer" when you are writing/talking about things you can count.
• Use "less" for those things you can't count.

Of course, because English is such a fun language, there are several thousand exceptions to this rule. So for a more in-depth (and interesting) treatment of this subject, check out what Grammar Girl has to say.

She says it in fewer words than I ever could, which means you'll spend less time mastering this fine point of grammar.

Please Don't Invite the New York Times to My Next Birthday Party

Poor Strunk & White.

On the the 50th anniversary of the publication of "The Elements of Style," the New York Times has published an interesting debate on the merits of this venerable little style bible. Some pretty high-powered writers and grammarians took the opportunity to, er, rain on the old boys' graves, so to speak.

I've always thought this cogent little book as a must-read for writers. Looks like I'm going to have to re-read and re-evaluate.

The debate is worth reading to decide for yourself. Click here.

Present(ly) Tense

I may be the only person who cares about this, but here goes.

Imagine that you're watching 20/20 or 48 Hours or Dateline and the feature story is yet another murder "mystery." (Hint: The spouse! The spouse!)

The announcer -- to the accompaniment of somber music and a montage of the victim cuddling kittens and kissing chubby-cheeked toddlers -- says something along the lines of:

It was a dark and stormy night back in 1984, and all-American Betty Bouffant leaves work early, telling her co-workers that she must get home to bake cookies for orphaned dachshunds. She arrived home and finds, according to what she tells police three hours later, a trail of crimson blood leading from the kitchen to the bedroom. She walks into the bedroom and discovered the lifeless body of her husband, whom she calls the love of her life ever since they got married straight out of grammar school...

Does anyone else want to throw something at the television for this annoying and idiotic switching back and forth between the present and past tenses? I know that using the present tense adds drama and a sort of you-are-there quality to the narrative. Fine. But.

Please. Make the decision between past and present tense upfront... and stick to it! The inconsistency is making me choke on my popcorn. Much more of this and I will become the subject of one of those shows.

Cue the creepy music. Tonight's episode: Homicide... or Grammarcide?

Blog Wars

My niece's young daughter recently started a blog. Unfortunately for her, mom is an English teacher. And mom's comments to her blogging daughter's posts are often reminders to pay closer attention to her grammar. I keep waiting for the "or else," the phrase I relied on so much when my own kids were that age: "Or else you'll find yourself in your room for the rest of the night." "Or else there'll be no dessert for a month."

Of course, her daughter is resisting, saying that nobody cares about grammar. But if she listens to her mother's advice, she will avoid many of the mistakes I see professional writers making almost every day.

Such as writing its instead of it's (or vice versa), there instead of their (or vice versa), and your instead of you're (and... well you get the idea).

I can't threaten to cut-off your ice cream, but I can warn you that too many of these sloppy mistakes in a cover note or article will quickly lead to fewer writing assignments.

Or will they? Seems like fewer readers today notice or care. That, I guess, is grist for another post. In the meantime, proofread carefully before pressing the "send" button. Then, proofread again.

After all, its important to you're image as a profesionel righter.